The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

You ‘accidentally’ touched his bottom? Didn’t that happen when you last saw him aswell? Surprising how often that seems to be a problem.

A tyrant does not remain in the world; But the curse on him abides forever!

Inspiration does not come like a blot, nor is it kinetic energy striving, but it comes to us slowly and quietly all the time.

I'm competitive - that's what defines me - and I love it.

I usually dive head first and am really excited about that changes.

Only so much can be borne from men, so much from gods

There is nothing spiritual about complacency.

The Republicans are looking at a country that is going to be a majority minority country in just over a generation. And they are an increasingly white party.

It is quite sad, to me, that that ideal, that vision and understanding [of American founding ], doesn't seem to be a part of the current political season.

I don't need Hollywood. With or without them, I'll be fine. But I'll admit it would be nice to have them on board.