The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

You can’t believe in fate only when it sends you something you want, only when things turn out right. You have to accept what fate sends you or doesn’t send you, no matter whether or not you like it.

If wealth was the inevitable result of hard work and enterprise, every woman in Africa would be a millionaire.

If You Don't Believe the Numbers and Believe in Your Spirit, then You're Ageless.

While the work or play is on ... don't constantly feel you ought to be doing the other.

I told God, 'I don't want a man. I don't want more gold albums. The only thing I want is the love, friendship, and presence of my mother.' And God gave it to me.

I remain instinctively hostile to communitarian philosophy and communitarian politics.

I'm not interested in painting; I'm not interested in making a picture. Then what the hell am I interested in? I must be interested in this process.

I DJ very often. I'll probably do it more. I'm not available during the week because of the show but I travel most weekends to DJ. I've been doing it for about six years.

So we found the end of our journey. So we stood, alive in the river of light, Among the creatures of light, creatures of light.

Beauty’s all around me right here. It’s not in a textbook. It’s not in an equation. I mean, take the sunlight … The colors flow into your lungs, into your bloodstream. You are the colors.