The way I write is that I'll actually have a conversation out loud with myself. In a weird way, I just kind of get schizophrenic and play two characters.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

L'espoir est la chose la plus difficile à tuer dans le cœur d'une femme amoureuse.

Obsoletes and absolutes are the stock in trade of religions that place their faith in an 'unchanging' god while faced with the reality of an ever-changing world.

Pity the cat, thinks the writer, for I live as many lives as I can imagine.

Cristal go by the cases, wait hold up that was racist I would prefer the Aces, ain't no different when you taste it. A 40 ounce to chase it, that's just an understatement.

I practice yoga nidra to support my mental health and clear my mind space.

Know what is behind you, and pay particular attention to anything out of place.

I get most of my news from the Jon Stewart Daily Show.It's the most level commentary you can find.You have to laugh, because it's all so true.It's the closest thing to a counterculture.

there are some people who never learn; indeed, few people learn by experience, so far as I have ever seen.

My mama used to say, 'Are you sad? Then just wait a minute.

Wherever the enemy goes let our troops go also.