The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Elend: I kind of lost track of time…Breeze: For two hours?Elend: There were books involved.

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs.

If you like what you're reading, I probably wrote it.

Anelka was travelling so fast that he couldn't keep his own feet

All true tea lovers not only like their tea strong, but like it a little stronger with each year that passes.

And I thought I had problems? Look at your face!

Want to know the best thing about teaching? Seeing that moment when a kid discovers his or her gift. There's no feeling on earth like it.

If I was given the choice between having the world back and having you, I wouldn't be able to give you up. Not to save five billion lives.

She would have kissed him, if she kissed stupid men.

So I'm ugly. So what? I never saw anyone hit with his face.