The whole business of smoking is like forcing yourself to wear tight shoes just to get the pleasure of taking them off.

I was at college doing performing arts, and just spending all my time mucking about, and the lecturers thought I would be pretty good at stand-up, so I gave it a whirl.

I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish.

A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere.

I'm just generally hugely frustrated, I'm a very, very frustrated man. I'm just a ball of pent-up frustration.

I didn't really want to be a comedian.

I still get excited about meeting celebrities, because I don't think I'm a celebrity myself.

I've met Nicole Kidman, Elton John, loads of people.

Modern man threw a brick through his own window in order to sell himself a burglar alarm.

I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh.

I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved.

[Technology] has taught us how to become gods before we have learned to be men.

The Degree to which I am blessed staggers me... the degree to which I take that for granted shames me.-Streetwalking with Jesus

Take time to relax, renew and be revived.

Why God has instituted Prayer:— To communicate to his creatures the dignity of causation.

Facts and particulars annoy me.

Poetry and imagination begin life. A child will fall on its knees on the gravel walk at the sight of a pink hawthorn in full flower, when it is by itself, to praise God for it.

I'm not one for flings, I can tell you that.

I'm not building each one character around one metaphor, so much as trying to build a heroic archetype that can be used to express the kind of metaphors that I find in each story.

What makes the world such a wonderful place is the diversity. I have always strived to fill my home, my office and my hotels with the most diverse crowds possible.

Everyone goes with the flow... but the one who goes against the flow becomes someone remarkable in life.