The window doesn't open, the fan is broke, and my face is turning blue. I haven't been in a crowd like this since I went to see the Who.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

Without morality and ethics there is no religion (dharma), the foundation of religion is morality and ethics.

Only God is the Giver and Master of Creativity and imagination because they are gifts that can only come from Him Alone!

It is a great vehicle for storytelling, especially for a certain kind of exhaustively reported, painstakingly fact-checked, and beautifully produced narrative.

I was born in Mount Kisco, New York-although my family was living in the Bronx at the time. That's just where I decided to be born.

No man ever reaches manhood till a woman's tenderness Is a part of his possession.

Love, love will tear us apart, again.

I think Oz is the type of show that makes you turn away in fear and in horror, so for a television show, thats pretty intense.

I decided a long time ago I didn't want to be a star personality and live my life out in public. I don't think it's a good idea to wave personality about like a flag and become labeled.

The right to life is the first human right. Abortion is killing someone that cannot defend himself.

When rewriting, move quickly. It's a little like cutting your own hair.