The winner of the Westminster Dog Show gets to drink champagne - out of the toilet.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Writing is an art and a skill that can be developed

You can only carry the illusive personality in your mind until you realize the truth behind it, but the time you realize the truth, you just cannot hold the illusive self of yours, in the mind.

You would be much amused with the animals round the ranch.

The constant bombardment of the paranormal through media (Reality TV, Movies, Magazines etc.) is desensitizing our understanding of the cosmic warfare that is being waged by Satan.

It's an old ploy of the bourgeoisie. They keep a standing 'art' to defend their collapsing culture.

When a woman who is sexual takes off her top, it plays into something.

He plaies well that winnes. [He plays well that wins.]

A battle is won by him who is firmly resolved to win it.

I refuse to say things behind people's backs.

I had a major in business, and I graduated with a business degree, but I was perhaps the worst student to graduate from that program.