The word relationship best refers to the connection between parasite and host, or shark and remora. It's a biological term. I'd rather be a jerk than a scientist when it comes to love.

Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.

I know what love is: Tracy and Hepburn, Bogart and Bacall, Romeo and Juliet, Jackie and John and Marilyn.

I don't like people who speak French in public places. This includes the French.

Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like 'Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing.

Never ask a woman why she's angry at you. She will either get angrier at you for not knowing, or she'll tell you. Both ways, you lose.

Sigmund Freud was a half baked Viennese quack. Our literature, culture, and the films of Woody Allen would be better today if Freud had never written a word.

They don't produce anything. All they do is guide you through the labyrinth of the legal system that they created - and they keep changing it just in case you start to catch on.

Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't cross the thin line between cute and demonic.

Men want to put their signature at the bottom; women don't want to finish that letter.

Favorite color: I hate colors.

Lack of money is no poverty.

Every individual can reach their greatest potential with enough encouragement.

The only true happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose.

I am a diffident man. I find it hard to carry on a conversation.

I want you to know, my dear friend, that without you, I would not be the person I am today." He leaned in close and whispered, "I was a broken boy, and you fixed me. Thank you.

We're all complex human beings, and if some of that complexity shows through, I think it's advantageous for the movie.

Nobody in the world could have told me I wasn't gonna be a rapper. So, yeah, I always knew I was gonna be one.

None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness; but we can try.

Life is a narrow vale between the cold and barren peaks of two eternities. We strive in vain to look beyond the heights. We cry aloud

Most men of business think "Anyhow this system will probably last my time. It has gone on a long time, and is likely to go on still.