The worst that you can say about him (God) is that basically he's an underachiever.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.

The distance between an honest Christian mystic and a fortune-teller is sometimes less than half a whisper. Less than a pot of tea or the space between two book covers.

Better collapse earlier than giving up later, but what best is never giving up.

Brave men are all vertebrates; they have their softness on the surface and their toughness in the middle.

The majority of the Afghan people support a strategic partnership with the United States.

I'm not really excited about the idea of committing to anything permanently.

I want no Christmas without a burden for lost souls, a message for sinners, a heart to bring in the lost sheep so dear to the Shepherd, the sinning souls for whom Christ died.

God gives us the ability, but rock 'n' roll was created by men.

I'm pretty sure there will be duck hunting in Heaven, and I can't wait.

I comfort myself with the knowledge that if Duval ever feels smothered by me, it will be because I am holding a pillow over his face.

She will die if you love her not, And she will die ere she might make her love known