The worst thing to happen at the Oscars would be if nothing happened. You want something unscripted, something to riff on, something kinda out there.

The only reason we die, is because we accept death as an inevitability.

The only problem is time.

'Family Guy' has this weird thing of attracting people. People either hate it or can't get enough of it. There's really no one in between.

Believe it or not, I have about the same success rate as anyone else. Sometimes you hit, sometimes you miss.

The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change.

Adults acting like children and children acting like adults is generally a pretty reliable comic device.

What makes me happy is just keeping my brain challenged and stimulated and on its toes.

You gotta keep the funny intact.

Nobody sets out to offend or shock for the sake of shocking. You set out to get laughs.

I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt.

Only tears can hear the sound of pain when warm blood reddens discolored stain

If your face is swollen from the severe beatings of life, smile and pretend to be a fat man.

I always felt that's why people buy records anyhow is because they get that vicarious excitement and thrill that they don't get unless they buy your record.

People now genuinely respond to it and associate me with music. It's really fun.

Of all things upon earth that bleed and grow, a herb most bruised is woman.

I have two brothers and we basically spent our lives playing in the woods, falling in ponds, getting chased by wasps and riding donkeys that we shouldn't have been riding.

If you let social activities take precedence over your academic activities, then you will soon lose your basketball activities.

The human soul is very much older than the human mind.

One age misunderstands another; and a petty age misunderstands all the others in its own ugly way.

I have no truck with lettuce, cabbage, and similar chlorophyll. Any dietitian will tell you that a running foot of apple strudel contains four times the vitamins of a bushel of beans.