The yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

When the dog bites, when the bee stings... I simply remember I have a boyfriend and suddenly things don't seem quite so completely shit.

When a woman isn't feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she'll ask you if you like her body. You have to say no.

Mother is the home we come from. She is nature, soil, ocean.

But how is the artist to protect himself against the corruption of the age which besets him on all sides?

We are reducing the number of relationships. We are slowly but surely consuming the massive reserves of energy that have been accumulating and are stored in the ecosystems.

Authors are ordinary people who usually start to live apart, in the imagination, because they dont fit in with normal, healthy people.

And so evil flourishes and spreads because decent people don't want to make a fuss.

Not everyone can afford to eat well in America, which is a literal shame, but most of us can: Americans spend less than 10 percent of their income on food, less than the citizens of any other nation.

Not that money is a driving force. It's an honor to play for your country.

The Holy Grail of neuroscience has been to understand how and where information is encoded in the brain.