The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!

No human being really has any misery. It is your own mistake if you complain of the misery.

For the believer there is hope beyond the grave, because Jesus Christ has opened the door to heaven for us by His death and resurrection.

There are some among the so-called elite who are overbearing and arrogant. I want to foster leaders, not elitists.

There is a thin line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Some of our jokes we made up on the fly. I love Lecrae; we have been friends for a while and he is just one of my favorite people.

I've written some short stories about my personal experience, but it's not something you can use everywhere. Every novel, every work of fiction, needs its own food.

The strongest passion is fear.

We're going to bring our core message of hope and how God is a good God who's on our side.

John Bond has blackened my name with his insinuations about the private lives of football managers. Both my wives are upset.