Then after that came word processors and it's hard to make those laugh.

It's a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan it's when you discover that your wife left you in May.

There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car.

I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny.

If all the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do all the audiences come from?

It's like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it's remembered.

And when you're on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it's funny - and you have no way of finding out.

If the laughter of the audience was malicious we wouldn't show it.

You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D.

What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions?

Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater.

So then, the relationship of self to other is the complete realization that loving yourself is impossible without loving everything defined as other than yourself.

Believe in your God-given dreams.

You hope your buddies will win so you don't have to loan them any money.

One of the greatest motivating things that a coach has is the bench. They all love to play, all of them. You sit them on the bench, and they come around pretty good.

It's time for us to come together, time for us to come together around this good man [Donald Trump].

The world knows how to straighten out a spoiled child but never makes it up to a child deprived.

Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire.

I'm personally not into a guy who wears pedal pushers and a necklace.

In baseball, you don't know nothing.