There are a lot of good looking men on this planet. It seems like once a week someone will tell me, "I know someone who looks like you" and I don't know what say to them except, "Tell them hi."

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Somehow the past is a safe place to explore our collective cultural neuroses.

...this is what death does to you, it takes and takes, so that all that is left of your memories is a faint tracing of spilled ash.

To make a change, you must be: willing to commit, willing to change, willing to have an open mind, and willing to take action!

I don't know, Benes. I'm not sure I've ever really understood women for that kind of commitment.' He flipped his beer mat up int the air with his index finger and caught it in his hand.

The trail of lime trees outside our building is still a public loo. …where else are they supposed to go to the toilet in a city where public toilets are about as common as UFO sightings?” (pp.281-82)

I love making healthy lean foods delicious - that's an art!

I think fracking for gas will reduce the incentive to turn to renewables, and I think it will do a lot of other damage across the countryside.

This is for one simple reason: each Islamic mosque is dedicated to the overthrow of the American government.

I like to go out, but sometimes it's nice to stay cozy at home, watching movies or TV, especially early in the week.

I really am thankful that I got to do The Proposal movie the right way with people who taught me how to do comedy better.