There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

School is the advertising agency which makes you believe that you need the society as it is.

Love has a beginning but love has no ending.

Because you wear a uniform, a smelly uniform...and so you think you can be rude to me.

Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong…it is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum not as two opposing sets of ideas.

I think our Canadian fan base is large because it took us a while to get over here anyway, in the first place.

Life is both short and complicated. People sometimes make baffling choices.

The only man never to be redeemed is the man without passion.

The simplest truths often meet the sternest resistance and are slowest in getting general acceptance.

I saw many humans on whom there were no clothes. I saw many clothes in which there were no humans.

I often write either really early in the morning, or really late at night.