There are different parts of us. You want to feel safe but you want to also feel challenged.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

You're good salesman, if you make people buyproduct they don't need.

It was a sad process for me to become a mom, and a long process. I felt so embarrassed that I couldn't have a biological child.

Men always want to be remembered whereas women realize that requires being dead.

And action is the only remedy to indifference, the most insidious danger of all.

It's unfortunate that in an interview sometimes things can seem so black and white.

A wet dog is lovingest.

We always hope, and in all things it is better to hope than to despair.

A lot of people think I'm difficult to work with. It's not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy.

I'm bleeding, I'm not just making conversation.

One of the most crippling things we can do to ourselves is expect someone else to make us happy