There are just so many more laws and rules that apply with marriage that do not come with domestic partnership and also to me it's the commitment.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

There will be no yelling at people who are bleeding themselves to unconsciousness.

...what is the meaning of La Belle Dame Sans Merci? - have you never been enthralled? enchantment that is unrequited desolates the soul...

Have dreams/goals and never quit working toward achieving them.

Enlightenment means waking up to what you truly are and then being that.

These shoes are Mr Silly's shoes, Scott.

I could have a degree in music and come on the show, and Simon could still say 'You stink'.

I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it.

Over the years, our political system has degenerated to the extent that it's difficult for anyone to make any headway, yet keep his hands clean.

There's a little wire work, which is so much fun. You can fly, it's amazing. But I've had to mostly just sort of kung fu, you know, ground work. Footwork and stuff like that.

I've got Colin Firth's number in my phone!