There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water gush out when you get in?

Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.

Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.

Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.

Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.

All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.

A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much harder to make the right jokes.

Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a "Wirtschaftswunder," which can be briefly translated as "The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one."

Her voice was a hushed whisper against my ear. An audible smile.

There is thin line between smile and laughter.

...the self-satisfied dogmatism with which mankind at each period of its history cherishes the delusion of the finality of existing modes of knowledge.

The paparazzi terrify and torment people and endanger people and it's really unpleasant.

Because God is the living God, He can hear; because He is a loving God, He will hear; because He is our covenant God, He has bound Himself to hear.

I was raised as a Catholic, but I didn't like the Catholic Church at all. I thought the nuns were mean.

It's possible for me to make a bad movie out of a good script, but I can't make a good movie from a bad script.

If coming up with ten ideas sounds too hard, then come up with twenty.

I've succeeded as far as I'm concerned - I don't feel that I have any cliffs I could fall over anytime soon.

This cabin, Mary, in my sight appears, Built as it has been in our waning years, A rest afforded to our weary feet, Preliminary to - the last retreat.