There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

It always freaks me out when I go to a sushi place and there's a Mexican.

Days are like trains, they will just zoom by. You can be zapped seeing them pass or you can jump on to one of them and enjoy the Journey.

Humanity must need to continue because humanity is about humans and humans are nothing without humanity.

The great thing about reading is that it broadens your life

If you're lucky, you can keep the vehicle healthy and responsive over the years. If you're lucky, your own intentions have very little to do with this.

You can't sit there and worry about everything.

I won't lie, I want to play in the Champions League and challenge for titles.

Humans were denied the speech of animals. The only common ground of communication upon which dogs and men can get together is in fiction.

There's an economy of violence. It's sexy. It's being exploited.

One thing I won't do: I won't give up on love.

My dad's not a big talker.