There are plenty of wonderful, good fat people in the USA that have no problems being fat, who I have no problems with being fat.

That is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.

I hate that when people are like, "Well, all dwarves know each other, right?" And you want to get mad, but you can't because we do.

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true.

I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.

It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.

Every man has a House of Lords in his own head. Fears prejudices misconceptions - those are the peers and they are hereditary.

In space, you don't get that much noise. Noise doesn't propagate in a vacuum.

I believe modeling is a combination of natural talent, the ability to adapt to different situations, hard work, and, most importantly, luck.

Beware the wrath of a patient adversary.

God did not give you the spirit of cowardice.

Let America be America, where equality is in the air we breathe.

Poets don't finish poems, they abandon them.

Honor your self. Worship your self. Meditate on your self. God dwells within you as you.

Money, horse racing and women: three things the boys just can't figure out.

Hope shouldn’t increase with good deeds and decrease with sin. In good deeds, my hope is for Allah to accept. In sin, my hope is for Allah to forgive.