There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.

I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

If we all started using the Self Care System, there would hardly be need for the Medical System

We cannot talk to God strongly when we have not lived for God strongly. The closet cannot be made holy to God when the life has not been holy to God.

Beautiful dreams - if the world were more beautiful they would come true - But the world is relentless & cruel - people are - they must be, I suppose, or they could not live.

Never is an awfully long time.

We suffer from an incurable malady: Hope.

So far we still don't know whether angels are ethereal beings of light without substance or if they take a solid human form with real wings which actually enable them to fly.

Anybody in television lives under grinding deadlines.

In order to run a great business, you must know that a bunch of really intrinsically unhappy people, that's not a recipe for success. Don't be anywhere you don't need to be; it's just like that.

Words are like money; there is nothing so useless, unless when in actual use.

To make ideas effective, we must be able to fire them off. We must put them into action.