There are three stages to a man's life. 1. He laughs at Clark Griswold. 2. He sympathizes deeply with Clark Griswold. 3. He laughs at Clark Griswold.

We always ask where the time went. We never ask where it's coming from.

I’ll feel that horrible feeling in my stomach you get when you’ve gone over to the Dark Side. But I’ll be fine. That’s the good thing about the Dark Side. Eventually, your eyes adjust.

Genius flames and dies, but amiable competence can live forever.

The newspaper is a lecture. The Web is a conversation.

I don't believe in the very concept of "first thing in the morning." I'm a "third thing in the afternoon" fellow.

Calculus destroys self-esteem on contact.

If Mother had to be told not to shove the entire brick of Ivory up Junior's hindquarters, constipation is the least of his problems.

All you need to know about Arafat was that he insisted on wearing a pistol when he addressed the UN General Assembly. And all you need to know about the UN, I suppose, is that they let him.

I want to believe in intelligent design, and hence I am suspicious of anything that seems to confirm my desire to believe.

When your opponent sets up a straw man, set it on fire and kick the cinders around the stage. Don't worry about losing the Strawperson- American community vote.

Expressing doubt is how we begin a journey to discover essential truths.

Isn't it funny that they say most girls have daddy issues, when really, every dude does?

The worldly life is not the trouble, the ‘wrong belief’ is the trouble [oopadhi]. What happens when you believe that which is not yours, as being yours? You will be in trouble.

In this life, when you deny someone an apology, you will remember it at time you beg forgiveness.

He fell as gently as a tree falls. There was not even any sound..

We have the men--the skill--the wealth--and above all, the will.... We must be the great arsenal of democracy.

Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.

It's not just when you shoot, or what you shot, or where you shoot, it's the combination of the three.

The men who administer public affairs must first of all see that everyone holds onto what is his, and that private men are never deprived of their goods by public men.

The price you pay to win is nothing once you've made it!