There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

The sadness which reigned everywhere was but an excuse for unfailing kindness.

She held up the pen and gave him a lazy grin. "It's a rose."He came close. "It's a pen." He tried to pluck it from her hand."You are seriously lacking in imagination.

People are very fond of giving away what they need most themselves. It is what I call the depth of generosity.

Love, not balance, brings enlightenment

Stigma against mental illness is a scourge with many faces, and the medical community wears a number of those faces.

We yearn for a stranger to poke around in our heart. Such an irrational thing it is. Flutter once and lunacy behold.

I have never met a vampire personally, but I don't know what might happen tomorrow.

It is not necessary to hope in order to understand, nor to succeed in order to persevere.

I'm becoming a frustrated director, I think, in an actor's body.

My weaknesses are women in high heels, freedom under siege, and ebay. (Steele)