There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Carla was wearing a No Fear sweatshirt. You are too old, Amy wanted to tell her, for legible clothing.

By the time we left college, I had become my own image: a dandelion in the flower bed of society. Kinda cute, but still a weed.

You can always judge a man by what he eats, and therefore a country in which there is no free lunch is no longer a free country.

Americans are so dumb!

When friends ask for a second cup they are open to conversation.

Maybe I think you're cute and funny. Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you, if you know what I mean.

On September 11 last year international terrorism entered a new dimension.

If all you've got is somebody else's stuff that you've lifted, nothing really deep, then it is going to thin out.

Enlightened Society is all about nurturing the human spirit - waking up to the goodness, kindness and strength that we already have.

I love challenging myself, doing different things and exploring different areas that I haven't been to or gone to before. That's what I love about acting, and that's what I love about film.