There are very few people on top of life, and the rest of us don't like them very much.

Few women care to be laughed at and men not at all, except for large sums of money.

As a writer one is allowed to have conversations with oneself. What is considered sane in writers is made for the rest of the human race.

The darker the subject, the more light you must try to shed on the matter. And vice versa.

There is a school of thought that believes that sleep is for the night. You appear to be out to disprove them.

A comedy is just a tragedy interrupted, I once said. Do you finish with the kiss or when she opens her eyes to tell him she loves him and sees blonde hairs on his collar?

If you are flattering a woman, it pays to be a little more subtle. You don't have to bother with men, they believe any compliment automatically.

A gentleman ... sleeps at his work. That's what work's for. Why do you think they have the SILENCE notices in the library? So as not to disturb me in my little nook behind the biography shelves.

Cats names are more for human benefit. They give one a certain degree more confidence that the animal belongs to you.

Salad, I can't bear salad. It grows while you're eating it, you know.

He really is terribly heavy going. Like running up hill in roller skates.

I discovered, however, in the early days of our marriage that, in having her way, she put my interests ahead of her own.

A smile is the only infectious affliction everyone is encouraged to spread.

To remain silent is the most useful service that a mediocre speaker can render to the public good.

I know I'm part of the changing process of the way we look at things.

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

There is no virtue in denying the law of gravity, and there should be no virtue in denying the limitations of government. ... The more we glorify government, the more liberties we will lose.

But from the time I was very little, it was something I would do all the time, just sing, dance and act. So it wasn't something that was fake or contrived as I got older.

The persons hardest to convince that they're at the retirement age are children at bedtime.

The author always loads his dice, but he must never let the reader see that he has done so.

When I am dead and buried, on my tombstone I would like to have it written, 'I have arrived.' Because when you feel that you have arrived, you are dead.