There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

One part braggart to one part coward. He would fear everyone he did not control. And the next day he would fear those he controlled even more.

Understanding of divine truths preserves and protects a man in any situation.

A true knowledge of ourselves is knowledge of our power.

I don't like violence. I get sick from violence. Do you think people are excited by violence?

Kids ... Can't live with 'em ... Can't shoot 'em!

Revolution in the modern case is no longer an uncouth business.

In short: if one has nothing of value to say, only that which is impure defilement, avoid them. They are masters of the dark. Of no use.

The emotional stakes a memoirist bets with could not be higher, and it's physically enervating. I nap on a daily basis like a cross-country trucker.

I think there's a certain numbness in modern society, that accepts certain kinds of violence, but represses other kinds of violence.

I've had a lot of success over the years racing in New York, but the main point is that I feel the marathon is a different event, a lot more my event.