There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.

If this were a novel, I'd stop reading right now. I'd throw it across the room.

Don't go back over the past. Let it depart, never to return.

Love surrounds, softens and tires violence and force.

There's nothing like being a soldier for confidence or learning your limits or enduring utter humiliation.

I want to stay away from politics, or else I'll probably end up putting my size fifteen foot into my mouth.

The individual who is the servant of technique must be completely unconscious of himself.

What church could compete with the fireworks of the pure soul?

I thought of breaking down the door, but there's nothing left to say. That Chevy four by four says it all, sitting in my place.

There's never been a finer man in American sports than John Wooden, or a finer coach.

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.