There comes a time when a man and woman realize that their separate schemes can be better achieved as a conspiracy.

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie.

You can spend too much time wondering which of identical twins is the more alike.

What greater blessing to give thanks for at a family gathering than the family and the gathering.

Ever wonder what crime you committed that you are confined to a small enclosure above your sinuses, under permanent skull arrest?

If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that "Members not Present" and "Subjects Discussed" were one and the same.

It finally happened. I got the GPS lady so confused, she said, "In one-quarter mile, make a legal stop and ask directions.

For the most part, we carnivores do not eat other carnivores. We prefer to eat our vegetarian friends.

On a windswept hill by a billowing sea, my destiny sits and waits for me.

It is not that love is blind. It is that love sees with a painter's eye, finding the essence that renders all else background.

He'd gone from sixteen to seventy-five in a matter of seconds, but the old-man smell happened instantly, like boom. Congratulations! You stink!

Books are our best friends we say, so can we call 'Paragraphs' as our 'Just Friends'?

Instead of dwelling on that pain within, reach out to someone else's pain.

It needs strength to stay silent, but it needs courage to confide in somebody.

You have the strength to survive any situation.

The teacher can always tell when you did your homework on the bus.

I got lucky. I won the San Francisco Stand-Up Comedy Competition in 1977 while I was still at San Francisco State.

Fear and impatience demagnetize. Poise magnetizes.

Profitability is the consequence of doing business in the right way, to honor God.

A few more years will destroy whatever yet remains of that magical potency which once belonged to the name of Byron.