There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

That was the nature of the waters. You never knew what lurked below.

Depression is evil. Before you know it, it takes over and there's no escaping it.

When you feel helpless, help someone.

I think what's happening in the world - there's nothing more dangerous than a wounded beast, and the patriarchy is wounded.

The auditorium, named after a dead Queens politician is windowless in honor of the secrecy in which he lived and, probably, the bank vaults he frequented.

Disability is a matter of perception. If you can do just one thing well, you're needed by someone.

The reason I am a political radical is that I work on syntax. If I worked on semantics (which in fact I do), I'd be a good Thatcherite.

...my camera is my friend, and I take it everywhere.

Who doesn't love a 'Lifetime' movie? I think that they know their audience so well.

A musician, an artist, an architect: the man or woman who is not one of these is not a Christian.