There has been no electricity in Baghdad for a week and the people are angry. You would be angry too if you couldn't watch your brand new stolen TV.

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

Life isn't a book. There's no guarantee of a happy ending.

What he was scared of was not that maybe she was a creature who survived by drinking other people's blood. No, it was that she might push him away.

A work of art is a corner of creation seen through a temperament.

But it wasn't until I graduated from Texas A & M University and joined the United States Air Force, flying C-130's all around the globe, that I truly appreciated the blessings of freedom.

It is of the highest importance in the art of detection to be able to recognise out of a number of facts which are incidental and which are vital.

Just be happy, and if you can't be happy, do things that make you happy. Or do nothing with the people that make you happy.

Some things are worth the cost of their consequences.

"How are you doing?" - - - better than I deserve.

Make people happy and there will not be half the quarreling, or a tenth part of the wickedness there now is.

If I'm hanging around too much, my wife and kids say, 'Hey, why don't you go downstairs and start a new novel?'