There is a mass of people, we might as well admit, who if they weren't watching television, would be doing absolutely nothing else.

The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost.

The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed.

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

For me, a hearty "belly laugh" is one of the beautiful sounds in the world.

Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.

Gross ignorance is 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.

There once was a student named Bessor Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor. It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And today he's a college professor!

Politicians are like ships: noisiest when lost in a fog.

In a notable family called Stein There were Gertrude, and Ep, and then Ein. Gert's writing was hazy, Ep's statues were crazy, And nobody understood Ein.

Football season: The only time of the year when a man can walk down the street with a blond on one arm and a blanket on the other without encountering raised eyebrows.

Explore the deep ocean.

Maybe when I die and I'm thrown overboard, I'll turn into a mermaid.

It takes the black keys and the white keys both, to make perfect harmony.

To fight monsters, we created monsters of our own.

Chaos is rejecting all you have learned, chaos is being yourself.

Nuts they go, macadamia they go so ballistic, whoa.

Violence is man re-creating himself.

We still did not answer the questions that are important to us

Part of my job is to try and seduce people. It's what I get paid for, and if people get in the way of me doing my job I can be very difficult.

But a man's character is his fate... and in the end there isn't any way to disguise the nature of the knocks by acoustical work on the door or gloving the knuckles.