There is a theory that sooner or later anything in America that is any fun at all will be ruined by people from California.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

Perhaps we've time to have a look at the Number Thirty-One bus queue before we turn in.

I'm in favor of liberalizing immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about everybody in except the English.

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

The single most important decision any of us will ever make is whether or not to believe the universe is friendly.

The city was a hive from this height, the people and the yellow cabs moving about in the street below like pre-programmed insects. (Dark City Lights)

Anything you make in a 'normal' sized loaf pan can be made in the longer pan - you just have to increase the recipe proportionately.

You've got soldiers in the 3rd Infantry Division who are going every day on operations and they don't all have what is considered to be the gold standard in armor

The first consideration for all, throughout life, is the earning of a living.

I think the most challenging part of being a performer is just making sure that people know that when you get up there every night, it's unique and that you care.

When you are 16 you are supposed to be doing cool things, like sneaking alcohol, not living in Disney World and doing skits about mice.

It’s amazing how lovely common things become, if one only knows how to look at them.

When you jump off a cliff, is it better to land on jagged rocks or burning lava? I know this one. The answer is obvious: It doesn't matter where you land. You just jumped off a cliff.

Many people believe that great designers get great clients. It's the other way around.