There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

When some things don’t work out, other things do.Some of life’s most memorable and fun experiences happen precisely because things don’t go as planned.

The Wrong we have Done, Thought, or Intended Will wreak its Vengeance onOur SOULS.

Sometimes you don't need words to feel better

...but I preferred reading the American landscape as we went along. Every bump, rise, and stretch in it mystified my longing.

Never limit yourself to what you can't do, but to what you have the power to do with what you have.

In nature there is less death and destruction than death and transmutation.

I still go to bed in mascara on the chance I'll be seen a lover.

Happiness depends more upon the internal frame of a person’s own mind, than on the externals in the world.

Principles are like prayers; noble, of course, but awkward at a party.

I've always been a fan and supporter of Prince. That's one of my inspirations.