There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

We are all happy if we but knew it.

They served to remind Cabal - should a reminder ever be necessary - why his social skills were so poor: people were loathsome and not worth the practise.

Women may be better than men but not not even God can beat a Real Man

I don't think that Chinese ownership of U.S. assets is so large as to put our country at risk economically.

A person knows when it just seems to feel right to them. Listen to your heart.

Ambition without contribution is of no significance.

The big thing we are working on now is the global warming hoax. It’s all voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax.

When you're indie and you have your hands on yourself and you're not working for someone, you're working with someone and you're dealing with them, it's a totally different feeling involved.

They were not failures, they were new found ways of what does not work "I can accept failure,everyonefails at something. But I can't accept not trying

I'm scarcely an enfant!