There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

A message from God... If You Accept It... I Would Give You the Glorious Gift of Seeing Yourself Exactly as I see You... And I See You as Perfection and of Immeasurable Importance.

To me, a witch is a woman that is capable of letting her intuition take hold of her actions, that communes with her environment, that isn't afraid of facing challenges.

He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare And he who has one enemy will meet him everywhere.

There is no such thing as a simple act of compassion or an inconsequential act of service. Everything we do for another person has infinite consequences.

I go to great pains to find the best yogurt and granola.

I look forward to the day when the Westminster Parliament is just a council chamber in Europe

Enlightenment is very possible for the ordinary individual. Actually, it is easier than for someone who thinks that they are special.

All of West Ham's away victories have come on opponents' territory this season

I learned to write with my desk in the living room, next to the TV. But mostly in my head, and I try to be able to do it under any circumstances.

Confidences are always risky: a secret entrusted to a stranger make him less of one. You've given away something of yourself, given him the advantage.