There is no off position on the genius switch.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

She was not stunned, the way I was. In some strange way she was gleeful, as if this was what she had been expecting for some time and now she'd been proven right.

If you wanna be a writer, you must learn to paint a picture with words.

I want to caution you against the idea that balance has to be a routine that looks the same week in and week out.

Anyone who spends their life on a computer is pretty unusual.

Think higher, feel deeper.

True simplicity is, well, you just keep on going and going until you get to the point where you go... Yeah, well, of course.

We've got to set up in our own community our scientists and scholars that can check what is going into our people.

It's only the dead who'll tell you the truth.

Fantasy flows in where fact leaves a vacuum.