There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.

God always has a plan. This isn't his fault. This is a test, something designed to help you grow closer to God. And. I know, somehow, God will use it.

I was honestly never a huge school person.

The child lives in the book; but just as much the book lives in the child.

'Cartoonists' dirty secret is that we tend to come up with stories that involve things that are really fun to draw.

In Braille you write your flat sign first and then your note.

May I take your vein for a moment? I find myself... curiously depleted" Okay, right. Talk about your Johnny-on-the-spots: He locked them in and all but tore off his arm and threw it at her.

When feeding time comes around, there is nothing a hawk likes better than a nice, fat, peaceful dove.

In Arizona we have passed laws to free our people so that they can defend themselves and their loved ones. You cannot predict where evil will raise its head, but you can be prepared for it.

Your worm is your only emperor for diet; we fat all creatures else to fat us, and we fat ourselves for maggots.