There is no such thing as natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

In the realm of Greater Understanding, the workshop is dismantled after the work is finished.

I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.

Even the most beautiful legs - Marlene Dietrich's, for instance - look better when the kneecap is covered.

I am serious about not being serious.

In many ways, my job in soccer was like my job in basketball now. I had to protect the goal. That was the name of the game, not letting the other team score.

It is a principle of our nature that feelings once excited turn readily from the object by which they are excited to some other object which may for the time being take possession of the mind.

I've never done anything for money, and that is why I got money. When you do stuff for money, you never get money.

One of the marvels of the world: The sight of a soul sitting in prison with the key in its hand.

The fishing is best where the fewest go. There is just less competition for bigger goals.

I’m just enjoying just having a little me time, you know? But it’s not that I’m not taking applications.