There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

I dug her usage of "Spotify" as a verb.

Beauty is only skin deep. I think what's really important is finding a balance of mind, body and spirit.

Ladies, friends, and music - without those three, I wouldn't wanna be here

The snows and the roses of yesterday are vanished; And what is love but a rose that fades?

Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.

Ive been criticised for pretty, smiley photographs, but at least someone is happy! In my mind, I am always giving the image to the sitter.

I think that people who don't like kids are awful people.

I seen her with the milkman, riding down the street. When you're through with my baby, milkman, send her home to me.

Brighten someone's by adding a spoon full of kindness.

Early on, it's good to develop the ability to write. Learning to write is a useful exercise, even if what you're writing about is not that relevant.