There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Don't criticize me because of what I write, because for all you know, I could be right!

[Our children] had the privilege of growing up where they'd raised a lot of food. They were never hungry. They could share their food with people. And so you share your lives with people.

Beauty makes idiots sad and wise men merry.

Virtue, I grant you, is an empty boast; But shall the dignity of vice be lost?

You are the leader here. Obviiusly your skills are far superior to mine. I don't think I could fit into your life. I'm a loner, not the first lady.

Ports are necessities, like postage stamps or soap, but they seldom seem to care what impressions they make.

Prayer is helplessness casting itself on Power, infirmity leaning on Strength, misery reaching to Mercy, and a prisoner clamoring for Relief.

My soul is too glad and too great to be at heart the enemy of any man

It is difficult to bring people to goodness with lessons, but it is easy to do so by example.

Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes.