There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

At the rate the Kings were finding mates, they were going to have to take turns eating supper because not everyone would fit at the table.

I may not understand your situation but I understand hurt

Smartass Disciple: Master, we should not spend our time to low life like them.Master of Stupidity: If I don’t, then how should I lead men like you to be wiser?

I like solitude. I like the anomalous life. I like a quiet life.

Those sweetly smiling angels with pensive looks, innocent faces, and cash-boxes for hearts.

Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.

Your child’s future was the first to go with budget cuts.

The Spanish league is fantastic, but it has not the great passion the English Premiership has got.

Education is inoculation against disruption.

When the goal of political action is no longer the defense of liberty, no word other than demagoguery can describe the despicable nature of politics.