There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.

Whatever limits us we call Fate.

Fashion changes, Style remains

I think it's easy to stop smoking; it's just hard not to commit a felony after you stop.

When you have no money, you need invention.

Love is never outside ourselves; love is within us.

AI is a bridge between art and science.

I have smelled some very famous and undoubtedly sexy boys. And sometimes, as cute as they are, I'd rather have them as a friend - just because of the way they smell!

Even though I have many obstacles in my life, I don't want people to feel bad for me.

Shut up, already. Just once, could I get a demon with no vocal cords? (Anonymous) At least they’re not puking on us this time. (Wynter) Small favor that. (Anonymous)

The course of history shows that as a government grows, liberty decreases.