There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

The internet: always proving that you're not quite as special as you suspected.

I always won in my imagination. I always hit the game-winning shot, or I hit the free throw. Or if I missed, there was a lane violation, and I was given another one.

Struggle is what it means to be alive and free.

While I believe that when you are in the glamour industry, you have to look your best, I also believe being skinny is not 'hot and happening.'

Circus dogs jump when the trainer cracks his whip.

I used to want to be a backup singer. Not a lead singer, because I really can't sing.

When your own romantic life is falling apart, everyone else's looks fabulous.

"A cigar," said the altruist, "a cigar, my good man, I cannot give you. But any time you need a light, just come around; mine is always lit."

If you have wonderful moments, don't second-guess them, just enjoy them.

Your body gets old but your mind can always accept that.