There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

The riskiness of Art, the reason why it affects us, is not the riskiness of its subject matter, it is the risk of creating a new way of seeing, a new way of thinking.

Computers are heaven-sent when they work and hell-spawn when they don't.There's just not much middle ground when it comes to technology.

Unless a man has been taught what to do with success after getting it the achievement of it must inevitably leave him a prey to boredom.

I know what to do with the camera because I see the giant in the camera when I'm operating it live on the set.

To affirm is not to bear, carry, or harness oneself to that which exists, but on the contrary to unburden, unharness, and set free that which lives.

Learning what you don't want to do is pretty valuable, it may be as valuable as figuring out what it is you do want to do.

We be sticking pill up girl's booty, too!

That divide between the rich and poor is so crazy, because even white kids are suffering now.

Instead of praying: 'Dear God, bring me someone fabulous,' try: 'Dear God, make me into someone fabulous.'

Once you've had your life burn down, it takes time to be a Phoenix.