There once was a student named Bessor Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor. It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And today he's a college professor!

The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost.

The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed.

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

For me, a hearty "belly laugh" is one of the beautiful sounds in the world.

Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.

Gross ignorance is 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.

Politicians are like ships: noisiest when lost in a fog.

In a notable family called Stein There were Gertrude, and Ep, and then Ein. Gert's writing was hazy, Ep's statues were crazy, And nobody understood Ein.

Football season: The only time of the year when a man can walk down the street with a blond on one arm and a blanket on the other without encountering raised eyebrows.

Oratory is the art of making a loud noise sound like a deep thought.

You must be able to bring relevance to people

A newspaper is an oversized book with adverts and an expiry date.

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.

Sometimes the challenge of beating the jet lag and getting a decent sleep can be as hard to solve as finding the right setup for the car!

One side of the street is a Church; across the road is a liquor store. Both of 'em keepin us poor.

But the world did not match the picture in my head, and instead I was with a strange, uncombed person, overlooking a sea without water and a forest without trees.

Halfe the world knowes not how the other halfe lies.

Behavior is a symptom. If you look at it like a problem, you're just going to make a judgment. If you look at like a symptom, you can do something about it.

Anything you undertake will be possible to accomplish.

Two years work wasted, I have been breeding those flies for all that time and I've got nothing out of it.