There's a beauty of show business. It's the only business you can have a career in when you're dead.

A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.

Don't plant your bad days. They grow into weeks. The weeks grow into months. Before you know it, you got yourself a bad year. Take it from me - choke those little bad days. Choke 'em down to nothing.

We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. We are monkeys with money and guns.

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

when your down on your luck and you've lost all your dreams theres nothing like a campfire and a can of beans

I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things.

The folks who know the truth aren't talking.... The ones who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up!

You have to keep busy. After all, no dog's ever pissed on a moving car.

When I was younger, I wanted to be older. Now I am older, I am not quite so sure.

Most people don't care if you're telling them the truth or if you're telling them a lie, as long as they're entertained by it.

I’ve worked with freshmen that were easier than this.

High-speed rail would revolutionise interstate travel and would also be an economic game-changer for dozens of regional communities along its path.

It's easier to write about Socrates than about a young woman or a cook.

Unfortunately, computers are?stupid.Unlike human beings, computers possess the truly profound stupidity of the inanimate.

Any moron with a pack of matches can start a fire. Raining down sulfur takes a huge level of endurance. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.

If you are not afriad, thereis no way you will get mad at me. If you are not afraid, there is no way you will hate me. If you are not afraid, there is no way you will be jealous or sad.

I feel like when I'm writing for other people, when I'm doing rap hooks, it's kinda like playing dress up for me...

My heart bleeds for them when someone gets killed. But it’s their own fault at the end of the day.

We read to know that we are not alone.