There's a fear that I don't think people are interested in my actual opinion. I just think people are interested in me being funny.

Wouldn't the world be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes?

The other day I walked in on my roommate while I was masturbating.

I have a wife and anything. That's the arrangement we have. I have a wife, and she's cool. And also I have anything I want.

You need to update your blog a couple of times a week. You need to post a Twitter here and there. It feels so dumb to say that stuff, but it's important for me to keep that presence going.

You know what’s really good is a greyhound in the shower.

I don't want to follow comedians because I don't want to see what they're thinking about, 'cause then maybe I won't stumble across a thought maybe I had about the same subject.

People are writing shorter jokes. The style I've started with was almost trying to keep jokes under 140 characters before Twitter.

Apologetics is reason flying to the rescue of faith

A more wonderful life and a more beautiful world is one thought away.

The snow is falling on the deserted field of my life, and my hopes, which roam far, are afraid of becoming frozen or lost.

In this world, shipmates, sin that pays its way can travel freely, and without passport; whereas Virtue, if a pauper, is stopped at all frontiers.

A surprising proportion of mathematicians are accomplished musicians. Is it because music and mathematics share patterns that are beautiful?

Be someone who lives with joy, with purpose, as your own light brightly shines. Be, in every moment, the special someone you are truly meant to be.

People are inexterminable - like flies and bed-bugs. There will always be some that survive in cracks and crevices - that's us.

Life begins when we decide it's going to begin for us.

I grew up in Cazenovia, N.Y. I'm the second of five children, with three sisters and a brother.

When I heard Elvis Presley, then I knew I had to do music. Music is my god, and is the only love that has never left me. It has always been there and is my best friend.