There's a new children's book that's coming out that features Sarah Palin as a hero. I don't want to give away the ending, but we finally find out who shot Bambi's mother.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

My fear of endings too often blocks my hope of beginnings.

It's not hard to create self-beliefs that produce a successful and happy life. The main job is to unlearn your limiting beliefs.

Commitment doesn't have conditions. A compassionate samurai follows through whether it feels good or not

The great thing about being a broadcaster is you have this incredible responsibility to the people that make it all happen, the people that turn on the television set.

Steroids are for guys who want to cheat opponents.

Life is beautiful. Let the future generations cleanse it of all evil, oppression, and violence, and enjoy it to the full.

Greatness is not the effect of which inspiration is the cause. We are all inspired, but we are all not great.

You want to be appreciated for all your work as opposed to one performance, but I'll always be 'that bloke from 'Lock, Stock'.' You've got to embrace it.

A land may be said to be discovered the first time a European, presumably an Englishman, sets foot on it.

Our thoughts, our feelings, our dreams, our ideas, are physical in the universe.