There's a part of me that thinks I'm married to the audience, that I'm married to my job, and that this is where I devote 90% of my energy.

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

With each drop of tear that we shed in our times of excruciating pain, our brain constructs majestic new cellular connections to aid in the pursuit of our passion - in the pursuit of truth.

Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come

The sea is as near as we come to another world.

I hate Calvin and Hobbes. I think its a big re-hash of formula kid strips.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

The tea is ice-cold, the room grows colder and colder, but I grow warmer and warmer.

Balenciaga did the most delicious evening clothes. Clothes aren't delicious any more.

Like the juggler, deceiving by his tricks, one is deluded by egotism, falsehood and illusion.

I never know why these people talk to me. I would not talk to me.