There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

My heart only knows love.

The course of morality is subtle and even the most illustrious, wise people in this world fail to always understand it.

That there's no more important decision in life than who you marry.

We live too long for one marriage.

The saddest thing in life and the hardest to live through, is the knowledge that there is someone you love very much whom you cannot save from suffering.

one of the greatest hindrances to happiness in the present day is our tendency to standardize our conception of it.

Moral certainty, clear standards, and a commitment to spiritual ideals will set you apart in a world that searches for meaning.

Awards are so unnecessary because I think we get so much out of our work just by doing it. The work is a reward in itself.

My mom lived on an ashram on the early eighties. She turned me on to kundalini yoga and chanting and Transcendental Meditation. That was the first time I ever knew real peace.

Even getting one amazing shot in a pristine environment is what I live for.